This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
