Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize