I need to stop coming to work sober
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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