My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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