I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Drake has all the answers
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
And then he peed in my hair
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
