sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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