I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He? As in you personified your dick?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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