For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
