from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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