You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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