so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
