She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The uberlube is also flammable
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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