eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
