Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
