You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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