Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
