why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
