It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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