Joe is yelling at the trees again.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
