I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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