I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Farmville is her only friend.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize