Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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