tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
