Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
zippers are such a cool invention
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
