A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
