omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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