Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Four minutes until I can fart!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize