My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
