can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
