see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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