toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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