Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
