At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
