Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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