it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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