I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
