That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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