You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
