Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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