this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
