I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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