I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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