i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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