areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
