The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize