We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
