did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
