jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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