He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
