Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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