I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
