my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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