what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
