hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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