the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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