There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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