When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
