I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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