I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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