Fine. I'll sleep in my office
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
