this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
