You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
