Swine flu. Run for my life!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
