In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
