is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I wish my penis had an off switch
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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