My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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