I'm going to jail i love you
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
