the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
