Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize