tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
what is it with giant penises always finding me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
