The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
