I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
