How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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