i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
