I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
