My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
