I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
