You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
