I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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