Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize