It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
