Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
