so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize