Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
