When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
