Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
