ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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