1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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