You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize