Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
